Chicago was named 2011′s Most Moustache Friendly City in America. Civilians across Chicagoland can grow as much facial hair as their follicles support, now with less ridicule than ever.

If you’re a fan of Chicago sports, you may be aware of the amazing string of championships rung up by moustachioed coaches and managers. The last nine major sports championships won by Chicago teams were helmed with lip fuzz.

Exactly how much better are moustachioed managers? The breakdown since 1980, when moustaches emerged regularly:

Team
Bulls	545-193 W-L .738 pct Postseasons: 9 (100%) Championships: 6	792-1006 W-L .440 pct Postseasons: 12 (52%) Championships: 0
Blackhawks	370-294 W-L .557 pct Postseasons: 8 (80%) Championships: 1	721-728 W-L .498 pct Postseasons: 13 (62%) Championships: 0
Bears	146-118 W-L .553 pct Postseasons: 8 (47%) Championships: 1	119-121 W-L .496 pct Postseasons: 4 (27%) Championships: 0
White Sox	1151-1067 W-L .519 pct Postseasons: 3 (21%) Championships: 1	1447-1391 W-L .510 pct Postseasons: 2 (11%) Championships: 0
Cubs	569-619 W-L .479 pct Postseasons: 1 (11%) Championships: 0	1859-2018 W-L .479 pct Postseasons: 5 (21%) Championships: 0
City Total 1980-2011	2781-2291 W-L .548 pct Postseasons: 29 (33%) Championships: 9	4875-5264 W-L .480 pct Postseasons: 25 (26%) Championships: 0

Every team has performed better when led by moustache. The exception are the Cubs who do equally poorly in any condition, but they have Billy Goat, Black Cat, Vance Law, Steve Bartman and a whole bunch of other curses to offset the magic of the moustache.

While it’s obvious from the numbers that Moustaches are Moneyball v2.0, take a look how every Chicago sports champion did it:

Champion Team	Coach/Manager		Moustache?
2010 Blackhawks		Joel Quenneville The Walrus
2005 White Sox		Ozzie Guillen The Swamp Otter
1998 Bulls		Phil Jackson Coiffed Beard
1997 Bulls		Phil Jackson The Italian Plumber plus Soul Patch
1996 Bulls		Phil Jackson The Chevron
1993 Bulls		Phil Jackson The Lampshade
1992 Bulls		Phil Jackson The Selleck
1991 Bulls		Phil Jackson The State Trooper
1985 Bears		Mike Ditka Hurricane Ditka
1963 Bears		George Halas Clean
1961 Blackhawks		Rudy Pilous Clean
1946 Bears		George Halas Clean
1943 Bears		Hunk Anderson and Luke Johnsos Clean
1941 Bears		George Halas Clean
1940 Bears		George Halas Clean
1938 Blackhawks		Bill Stewart Clean
1934 Blackhawks		Tommy Gorman Clean
1933 Bears		George Halas Clean
1920 Staleys		George Halas Clean
1917 White Sox		Pants Rowland Clean
1908 Cubs		Frank Chance Clean
1907 Cubs		Frank Chance Clean
1906 White Sox		Fielder Jones Clean

And for fun, the top 50 Chicago teams since 1980:

Year	Team	Record	Pct.	Postseason	Coach/Manager	Hair	Stache?
1985	Bears	15-1	0.938	Won Super Bowl	Mike Ditka	Moustache
1996	Bulls	72-10	0.878	Won NBA Championship	Phil Jackson	Moustache
1986	Bears	14-2	0.875	Lost Quarterfinals	Mike Ditka	Moustache
1997	Bulls	69-13	0.841	Won NBA Championship	Phil Jackson	Moustache
1992	Bulls	67-15	0.817	Won NBA Championship	Phil Jackson	Moustache
2001	Bears	13-3	0.812	Lost Quarterfinals	Dick Jauron	Clean
2006	Bears	13-3	0.812	Lost Super Bowl	Lovey Smith	Clean
1998	Bulls	62-20	0.756	Won NBA Championship	Phil Jackson	Beard
2011	Bulls	62-20	0.756	Lost Eastern Conference Finals	Tim Thibodeau	Clean
1988	Bears	12-4	0.750	Lost NFC Conference Championship	Mike Ditka	Moustache
1991	Bulls	61-21	0.744	Won NBA Championship	Phil Jackson	Moustache
1987	Bears	11-4	0.733	Lost Quarterfinals	Mike Ditka	Moustache
2010	Blackhawks	52-22	0.703	Won Stanley Cup Finals	Joel Quenneville	Moustache
1993	Bulls	57-25	0.695	Won NBA Championship	Phil Jackson	Moustache
1990	Bears	11-5	0.688	Lost Quarterfinals	Mike Ditka	Moustache
1991	Bears	11-5	0.688	Lost Wildcard in Playoffs	Mike Ditka	Moustache
2005	Bears	11-5	0.688	Lost Quarterfinals	Lovey Smith	Clean
2010	Bears	11-5	0.688	Lost NFC Conference Championship	Lovey Smith	Clean
1991	Blackhawks	49-23-8	0.681	Lost NHL Division Semi-Finals	Mike Keenan	Moustache
1983	Blackhawks
1990	Bulls	55-27	0.671	Lost Eastern Conference Finals	Phil Jackson	Moustache
1994	Bulls	55-27	0.671	Lost Eastern Conference Semifinals	Phil Jackson	Moustache
2009	Blackhawks	46-24	0.657	Lost NHL Conference Finals	Denis Savard, Joel Quenneville	Clean, Moustache
1993	Blackhawks	47-25-12	0.653	Lost NHL Division Semi-Finals	Darryl Sutter	Clean
1984	Bears	10-6	0.625	Lost NFC Conference Championship	Mike Ditka	Moustache
2005	White Sox	99-63	0.611	Won World Series	Ozzie Guillen	Goatee
1983	White Sox	99-63	0.611	Lost ALCS	Tony LaRussa	Clean
1988	Bulls	50-32	0.610	Lost Eastern Conference Semifinals	Doug Collins	Clean
2002	Blackhawks	41-27-13	0.603	Lost NHL Conference Quarter-Finals	Brian Sutter	Clean
2011	Blackhawks	44-29	0.603	Lost NHL Conference Quarter-Finals	Joel Quenneville	Moustache
2008	Cubs	97-64	0.602	Lost NLDS	Lou Piniella	Clean
2007	Bulls	49-33	0.598	Lost Eastern Conference Semifinals	Scott Skiles	Clean
1984	Cubs	96-65	0.596	Lost NLCS	Jim Frey	Clean
1994	White Sox	67-46	0.593	Missed Playoffs	Gene Lamont	Clean
1996	Blackhawks	40-28-14	0.588	Lost NHL Conference Semi-Finals	Craig Hartsburg	Clean
2000	White Sox	95-67	0.586	Lost LDS	Jerry Manuel	Moustache
1990	White Sox	94-68	0.580	Missed Playoffs	Jeff Torborg	Clean
1993	White Sox	94-68	0.580	Lost ALCS	Gene Lamont	Clean
1989	Cubs	93-69	0.574	Lost NLCS	Don Zimmer	Clean
1989	Bulls	47-35	0.573	Lost Eastern Conference Finals	Doug Collins	Clean
1995	Bulls	47-35	0.573	Lost Eastern Conference Semifinals	Phil Jackson	Moustache
2005	Bulls	47-35	0.573	Lost Eastern Conference First Round	Scott Skiles	Clean
1995	Bears	9-7	0.562	Missed Playoffs	Dave Wannstedt	Moustache
2008	Bears	9-7	0.562	Missed Playoffs	Lovey Smith	Clean
1994	Bears	9-7	0.562	Lost Quarterfinals	Dave Wannstedt	Moustache
1995	Blackhawks	24-19-5	0.558	Lost NHL Conference Finals	Darryl Sutter	Clean
2006	White Sox	90-72	0.556	Missed Playoffs	Ozzie Guillen	Goatee
1990	Blackhawks	41-33-6	0.554	Lost NHL Conference Finals	Mike Keenan	Moustache
1992	Blackhawks	36-29-15	0.554	Lost Stanley Cup Finals	Mike Keenan	Moustache
1998	Cubs	90-73	0.552	Lost LDS	Jim Riggleman	Clean
2004	Cubs	89-73	0.549	Missed Playoffs	Dusty Baker	Moustache

If Theo Epstein and Jed Hoyer want to start winning, an obvious solution would be to hand over the 2012 Cubs to ex-Cub Warren Brusstar, but understandably there’s a transition phase.